I Wish You'd See

Today was good. Church was awesome, like always - I'm glad that I got to go. She wasn't there again today, so again, it was nice to not have that distraction there...although I still wish she'd have come. Quite honestly, I'd like to know how she is ~really~ doing. I'd ask, but I really feel that I wouldn't get an honest answer for her. I just wish she'd see that she has friends that truly care about her and want to see her well and happy. Friends who love her so much and would do almost anything for her. I don't know, maybe she does, but whatever is causing all this crud, I rebuke in the name of Jesus. I'm sick and tired the broken friendships and it's affect on so many people.

I feel God is starting to move in a lot of areas, so only He knows what's going to happen. All I can do is pray and hope that it all works out. Which it will, but it may not be in the way I want it to, and I need to get myself to where I'm humble enough to accept that if it's the case. I just need to walk the path God wants me to, and be obedient to Him, and everything else will fall into place.

I'm off the bed - gots work early in the morn'. Nighty.

Today's Song: You're Grace Is Enough by Matt Maher

Another Rant

Well, today was not such a good day. Despite my best efforts to be otherwise, I am miserable yet again. Work was long, I still have no idea about the other job, I'm home alone all weekend and I'm super lonely with no one to talk to. And it seems like every little thing that could go wrong today has. I'm immensely frustrated and that makes me more frustrated because I hate getting worked up over little stuff. Plus, I wrote that letter tonight, so I'm kind of an emotional wreck because of everything. It's amazing how the same emotion that can bring you endless joy, can bring you deathly sorrow. Love is an amazing thing for sure...

Sadly, I have to go to bed soon because I have to be up for work in eleven hours. I still don't understand what the heck God is trying to get through to me. I'm tired of feeling the way I do. And yea, I know, "change it", right? I've been trying, nothing is working, and I refuse to fake happiness. I did that for far too long and in the end it just makes things worse. Perhaps I'm too open about what I'm feelings sometimes, but I'm not going to say that I'm sorry for wearing my feelings on my sleeve. I'm tired of people who fake who they are because they are too scared of what others will think.

Anyway, that's my rant for the night. Off to bed. Nighty.

Honesty

You know, I have no problem being honest and transparent when people ask me about things, it's just most people never really take the time to do that for whatever reason. So instead, they tend to assume. Then you flip the situation and I ask how someone is doing or what's going on in their life, and I usually get a facade of some sort. So rarely do I get a truly honest answer. It's immensely frustrating...why are we so programmed to run from issues instead of standing and facing them? Why are we so programmed to not open up to others and ask for help even when it's freely offered?

I've struggled with this myself, but I've gotten to the point where I'm going to be honest. If you ask me how I am, be prepared to hear something other than a superfluous "fine" or "I'm doing okay". Sure, there are times where I am doing good, but life is a struggle most times and I'm tired of faking happiness. I honestly feel that constantly bottling up those issues is what causes that seemingly endless downward spiral of increasing depression and problems.

I feel that until we as the Body of Christ start opening up to each other in honesty about what's going on in our lives and our struggles, we will never be unified in the way that God desires. Sure, there are things that should be kept private, but if you are struggling with something, find someone to pray with you! There are so many people that care and are willing to fight with you. I'm sure there's even someone you know that's gone through a similar situation who can give you counsel. The key is to open up. If you are shunned by some, don't let it discourage you. The people that you want in your life will stick with you through it and help you get to where you need to be.

Honestly, if you have a prayer request, let me know. It doesn't matter how big or small!

Blessings to you...