The Journey: Part One - Written March 16th, 2008

I feel lost, but not alone. I know God is there, but nonetheless, I feel as if I am wondering aimlessly with no sense of direction. Or rather, I suppose I have a sense of direction, but I honestly have no idea if it's it's the right one. I really don't want to make another bad choice right now and end up where I was. I'm trying so hard to do what I know is right and to go where I need to go. I know that things are getting better and that God is here with me helping me through it all - there is no other explanation.

A lot of the things that were bothering me before aren't causing me too many problems anymore. It's this new batch, of not so much problems, but questions, that are tying up my mind in a way that I really don't like. Some I know the answers to, but don't want to accept or don't know how to go about carrying it out. Others, I have some idea, but I don't want to risk messing it up by making a wrong choice. Then there are the questions that I have no idea about, and it drives me crazy. The last category is where the majority of my questions lie, unfortunately. I hate not being in the know and I am constantly searching for answers to everything. I feel like I am always asking who, why, where, when, how, or something else, instead of just trusting that God will do what is best for me - even when I don't know the way it is going to come about.

I guess when I really stop to think about it, I am going in the general direction that I need to be going. I just wish that it were a little more pointed and specific so that I wouldn't feel like I am lost. I don't know, maybe it's all already there and I'm just missing the fine print somehow. Usually I am a stickler for details, but perhaps I'm missing them this time around. Only time will tell, I suppose. The one thing that I do know is that everything will happen when God plans for it to, and it will all work out for His glory. I get the feeling that God is trying to beat the concept of patience into my head until I really do understand it's full meaning. It's not easy by any means - at least for myself.