The Unwritten Letter

I see you pass by
And I wonder what lies behind your eyes
Do you think back?
Or did you burn the memories?
There's so much I wish I could say
But the timing, it always seems to be wrong
Not now, not here, maybe tomorrow, but not today
But tomorrow never seems to come, and yesterday is so far gone

They say if you love something to let it go
But to that I say, if you really love something
Hold onto it for dear life
Because love is something the world seeks to steal and warp
To make into something superficial and meaningless
True, pure, compassionate love is a rarity in this lifetime
And it's something I feel is worth fighting for
If you only knew how much I still give to you

What I'm saying is, that I love you
And I don't think I will ever stop
I've tried so many times to let it go
But in the end, my heart still holds on
I won't pretend it's not painful, because it is
Far more than I want to admit sometimes
But I wouldn't trade it for anything
Because that would mean that you were never in my life

But even if it's not all my fault
I blame myself for everything
For failing to be the man I should have been
For failing to do what I should have done
Even now tears fall from my eyes
Because I miss you so much
I miss your smile, your laugh, your touch
And most of all, I miss your love

I wish I could tell you how much joy you gave me
How I couldn't sleep at night cause I was thinking about you
How you made me smile when I didn't want to
How you could melt my heart with just a glance and a smile
All of this I wish with all of my heart I could say
But all I can do is watch you walk away
And bury it all in my heart
This unwritten letter to you

If I Did, Would You Hate Me?

Ah, today...today. Not a lot happened really. I got to go to church, but it was family Sunday, so I was twenty minutes late, haha. Plus my normal seat was taken. Luckily, I had some good friends that had an extra seat near them. The downside was it was on the front row, lol. However, I think it was all part of God's strategic plan to work on getting me outside of my comfort zone. In the end, I was oddly comfortable with sittin' there. Plus it got me away from her and her boyfriend which sit two seats down from where I normally am, so I was at least a little less distracted, even though I was able to see them straight across from where I sat this morning =(.

Still don't know if I'm what I'm going to do with that letter. I want to give it to her, but at the same time, she looks happy with where she is. I don't want to disturb that because it's not my intent. I just want some kind of closure so I can freakin' move on already. It's going to come down to making a choice in the next couple of days and then leaving it at that. I will accept whatever happens as a result. It's time I stopped being distracted and delayed and get on with what God has for me. I may not have a clue what it is, and everything may be seem totally chaotic and messed up right now...but I know that means God is setting me up for something big that's going to hit from out of nowhere. I know that by the end of this I will have an amazing testimony (well, even more so than already) of what God can and will do. It's all just a matter of timing (ugh, lol).

Other than that, I'm gearing up for another long week. Tomorrow I work, so I don't get to go to my grandparents like I normally do for labor day (yay for working retail), and then I have volleyball practice. Tuesday is the same, but it's a game instead of practice. I'm off Wednesday. Thursday and Friday I close, so I miss the Friday night service. I'm off Saturday, and I work Sunday. So, it's going to be two weeks at the earliest before I get to go to church =(. I think what God is trying to get through to me is that I don't need church to experience His presence, but at the same time, I really, really don't want to miss what's going on. However, I know that this is all part of my "Process of Glory", and God will honor the fact that I'm working.

That's all for now. May God give you a good week!

Today's song: Breathe Into Me by Red...rock on.