Guard Your Heart

So, it's been a while since I've written anything. Life has been...interesting, I guess you could say. I finally got a job, which is a blessing from God, because I got it the day I was gonna get kicked out of my house. As for the job itself, it's monotonous, and it makes me miss church, but it's money. I'm hoping to get this other job soon that pays more, is twenty seconds from home, has more hours, and gives me Sundays off - rather, I expect to get it, because I honestly believe that God is going to open up that door.

Other than that, I'm still struggling with love. I still love and miss her like crazy, and I'm really not too sure how to fix it. It's been nearly three months now, and though time may heal all...it's certainly taking it's time on this one. I've laid it all at the alter so many times. I've prayed for soul-ties to be broken. I've forgiven her for everything and asked for forgiveness anytime bitterness shows up. I guess I just need some kind of closure. I still have no real idea why it all fell apart into nothing, seemingly so fast. It was suggested that I write her a letter, basically just pouring out my heart about how I feel. I think it's something I need to do. I'm one of those types that lets things go through writing. However, I don't think I'll be able to move on unless she actually reads this one. I really need to know that she knows how I feel. How, despite everything, I still love her, care for her, and miss her more than I can describe. I honestly believed that she was the one and I gave her every ounce of my heart. Love is a wondrous, beautiful thing, but it can leave you so completely devastated if you invest too much into the wrong person. Not that I'm saying it's wrong to love people with all your heart, but I'm referring to the romantic kind of love. Moving too fast and/or without God being in control of the relationship is like asking for a disaster. There is even a warning about it in the Bible.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

-Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

When it all comes down to it, I know that God has it all under control. even when I think otherwise, and He will use all things for the greater good. I know for certain that God is forming in me a well of compassion for people. It's always been there, but God is really starting to bring it out. As always, I'm excited to see what God is going to do next - in my life, and other's.

I know many don't read this, but I have a prayer request. I'm really, really wanting to see this other job I have in the works come through, and I need direction about where I am to go next in my walk with God. I guess, that's actually two, but it works. Thanks to all, and blessings to you.